Over the years I've read dozens of Facebook posts from doting wives wishing their husbands "happy anniversary." The wife then goes on a spiel about how the past X amount of years she's been married to the husband have been the best years of her life. And she talks about how wonderful the husband is and how she still loves him just as she did the day they were married. She talks about how her husband is her soulmate and best friend. She talks about all the joy he's brought to her life.
Well, I'll spare you all the lovey dovey stuff.
Instead I'd like to focus on our marriage - not how much we love each other - but our actual partnership in holy matrimony. I'd life to focus on how we've changed as people and as a couple since we got married. I'd like to get a little real, because from my understanding, most people would agree that marriage isn't all sunshine and flowers...at least not all the time.
Before marriage -
1. I wore make-up religiously and cute clothes in order to impress Lucas./ Lucas wore matching socks and clean clothes on a regular basis...not just on special occasions.
2. Passing gas was taboo, not just what one does after a meal.
3. We went to the bathroom with the doors closed.
4. It was my pleasure to do Lucas's laundry. I thought I was being cute. (?)
5. We snuggled.
6. We both offered to drive.
7. We burned each other mixed CDs. (That kind of makes me want to puke.)
8. We dressed up to go out - even if it was on to JD's Sandwich Shop
9. Dinner was an event where we sat down at a table across from one another with the TV off and the laptop out of sight.
10. Holding hands was simply part of walking side-by-side.
11. Annoying habits weren't annoying....yet.
After marriage
1. The "if it doesn't smell, wear it" rule applies to both parties.
2. Tooting, belching, scratching, squeezing, and picking are now acceptable actions when in each other's company. We've become so comfortable with doing these things in front of each other, we have to monitor ourselves in public...
3. Sometimes flushing the toilet is too much work. (Too much information, I know.)
4. I steal the money from Lucas' pockets anytime I do the laundry, because I'm bitter and feel he owes me.
5. We actually had a discussion about getting two full-sized beds, because we constantly tell each other to "scoot to your side." Along with sleep punches and pushes, we've also both ripped the covers off each other dozens of time.
6. Driving is a chore, so now we race to say "not it" first.
7. If one wants a mixed CD, one makes it himself.
8. It doesn't matter what we look like in public anymore. Who are we trying to impress?
9. Dinner now consists of eating at our coffee table, watching Netflix, and searching the interweb.
10. We walk beside each other when Lucas can remember to wait for me to collect my things and get out of the car.
11. We're both extremely aware of each other's annoying habits.
I'm sure this makes all of you un-wed couples want to run to the alter right now. (Ha ha.) And I'm sure some of you married folks are thinking, well, that's not how my marriage is. You guys have issues. (I applaud you.)
And perhaps some of you can relate to some degree.
But it is, what it is.
Like most married coupled, we've become comfortable.
And while there are some improvements we'd both like to make to our marriage (bring back mixed CDs?), we're both still here.
And between the marital spats, we've found simple ways to demonstrate our love for one another.
When Lucas' car got a flat tire on the way to the airport, I changed it while he was away on his trip.
When I got the stomach flu, Lucas held back my hair.
If Lucas is still asleep in bed when I leave for work in the morning, I always kiss him on the cheek before I go.
We tell each other "I love you" before we end a phone conversation or leave the house - even if we've just had an argument.
Lucas knows how to "doctor" my coffee perfectly.
I have become a proof-reading expert.
Lucas rubs my back anytime I ask him to. (He honestly does.)
On our first date, three years ago today, I wore a blue and white striped cardigan. I just realized - at this moment - that I am wearing that same cardigan today. Lucas wore a plaid button-up shirt that now belongs to me, because it doesn't fit him anymore. He was obviously nervous and looked down at the table a lot. I wasn't nervous and acted surprisingly bubbly. He scooted his chair closer to mine because a band was playing and I couldn't hear what he was saying. And I said something stupid, and he smiled. I fell in love with the little wrinkles around his eyes and the gap between his teeth. Not long after that first date, I fell in love with Lucas, too.
It's hard sometimes to remember that initial feeling of love (the sunshine and flowers) that got you to the alter in the first place. Marriage is tough. We get so comfortable that we sometimes hurt each other's feelings and say things we don't really mean and forget about all the little things that make our marriages special.
I think that's why God created anniversaries. (Was it God or Hallmark? I'd like to think it was God.) Anniversary is meant to remind us husbands and wives of what it means to be married.
Ya know? It really does mean for better or for worse.
Lucas, the past two years have been beautifully imperfect.
Even though you just left your dirty lunch dishes on the coffee table, I still love you and always will.
I am forever your Uncle Sticky.
(Yeah, I still haven't figured out what that means.)
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