The Other Side of Twenty-Five

On our way to UVA at six this morning, I announced to my three fellow co-workers that my birthday is tomorrow. "I'm looking forward to the other side of twenty-five," I said happily. That got a chuckle and approval from my "partner in crime," the comma-loving, future Dr. Diaz (who is, by the way, a mere twenty-three). I never thought I would happily admit to turning twenty-six. If you're older than me, your probably scoffing at my vanity right about now. Well, you must realize after my eighteenth birthday, I "turned" eighteen until my twenty-first birthday. I've struggled with Peter Pan Syndrome for years. Funny how after the hips fill out and the law pronounces you legal, you suddenly want to drive your car down a flight of stairs and streak through the neighborhood. Well, maybe you don't or didn't, but I did...and did. (Momma, if you're reading this, keep in mind that I graduated college with a 3.8 GPA and only one broken toe. Not too shabby for Wild Child.) Point being, I have a hard time letting go of the past. I have a hard time letting go of my youth.


I'm not saying it's time to break out the application to Shady Pines, but I will admit it's time to dig out and pull on the Big Girl Pants I hid under my bed (next to the stolen traffic cones and restaurant coasters). And, so help me, I'm looking forward to it. I'm ready.


No, this does not mean I have decided to give up all things fun. And this certainly doesn't mean that I can't come out and play anymore. And the piercings stay. The blanket, too. The blanket ALWAYS stays. *When I was seven or eight I told some of you I'd wear that blanket as a veil on my wedding day. Well, I didn't. But I still have it. Bet some of you didn't think I was serious, did you? HA!


What does it mean then? It means taking a deep breath, saying a little prayer, and taking a moment to think (and repress my ADHD), and....


- Take better care of myself. Truth of the matter is, I'm not 18 anymore, and my body knows it. My brain's starting to realize it, too.
- Make better decisions. Gone are the days of "what the heck!" Spontaneity's a beautiful thing - when it can't jeopardize my career, my health, or my relationships.
- Stop complaining. Rolling my eyes, whining, and fighting back the urge to scream because I have to change the oil in my car or go to work is unacceptable.
*When I worked at CHS, I remember very vividly walking to the copy room in the Fine Art's wing at seven in the morning with my wet hair flopping in my face and my jazz pants stained with coffee I spilled on the car ride to school. I was carrying a stack of wrinkled, unorganized quizzes and my shoe laces were untied.  I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed for the umpteenth time. It was a typical day in the life of Mrs. Flavis. Then, I passed by Mr. Cephas, the jolliest Ugandan on the planet. "How are you doing?" he asked. "You know. I'm here," I mumbled. "How are you?" I asked in return. "You know. I'm alive, so it's a great day!" he replied. And he actually meant it. While at the time I wanted tackle him and strangle him with my shoe laces, I now see the beauty in his gracious response. Life's too short to complain about, well, life.  No matter how tedious the tasks we have to fulfill may seem, the clock's going to keep on ticking.
- Be honest with myself (and others, of course). Ignoring and avoiding unpleasant situations and/or conversations due to fear or laziness doesn't make them go away.
- Be ready to take responsibility. I've never had a problem fessing up to my mistakes. However, I often go into precarious situations without worrying about the consequences. I guess I hope I won't get caught or I just figure, eh, I'll find an excuse. But why? I guess this goes back to taking a moment to think before I act. If I'm going to take a risk, it needs to be a worthy one., which mine generally aren't.
- Be considerate of others. I'm not sixteen anymore, the world doesn't revolve around me. I like to lock myself into my own little world and day dream. I focus a lot on myself - and not in the good way. I don't live a selfless life, and perhaps it's impossible to live a completely selfless life, but I can make more of an effort.

This seems like a lot to add to the pot overnight, doesn't it? I don't expect to transform at midnight. These are simply goals for my twenty-sixth year, and I know they won't be easily accomplished. The way I see it, I'm doing well to have at least lit the fire. It just needs a little fuel.

To wrap this up, I'd like to reflect on my birthday ten years ago, when I turned sweet sixteen.
After my family birthday dinner, I timidly asked my mother if I could take the van and drive - by myself - to meet my friends at the local coffee shop. Momma's eyes filled with tears, she hugged me, asked me if I was sure I was ready, and handed me the keys. I told her thank you, hugged her, took the keys, and bolted for the door before she could change her mind. I'm not a mother, but now that I'm older and an aunt, I can imagine how difficult that must have been for my mom to watch her baby grab hold of that first bit of independence and run. So, I'd also like to say happy birthday to my momma, who let me rest in her womb for nine months, pushed me out into world (naturally), and loved me despite and for my imperfections from the moment I came silently into her life. Thanks, Momma.  I lovey, wovey, dovey you.